photo credit: Sue Vincent
The mists had come in quickly. One minute Maryann had been walking beneath clear blue sky, the next thick mist tumbled over the hilltops and obscured her vision. As she peered through the gloom she saw a woman standing by the path up ahead. Despite the poor visibility she knew immediately who it was.
“It’s that damn ghost of my former self,” she muttered. “I thought I’d lost her for good when I did that letting go ritual at the workshop I attended last weekend. What the hell does she want? I’m sick of listening to her carping fears and negative opinions. I want to be free of all that and move on.” She scanned the area ahead of her to see if there was another path over the mountain but the rocks closed in on all sides. For a brief moment Maryann considered turning back and waiting for another day before attempting this leg of her journey.
She shook her head to clear the thought. Of course she wasn’t going back. She’d been planning this journey for months now and the chance to make it had finally opened up just the other week. There was no way she going back.
Steeling herself for the encounter she maintained a steady pace towards the woman. “What do you want?” she asked grudgingly as she drew nearer.
“Well good day to you too Maryann,” said the ghostly figure. “What I want is obvious. I want to come with you.”
“Well you can’t,” Maryann snapped. “I’m heading for my future and I don’t intend to carry all my old baggage with me. Weren’t you listening when I did that ritual clearing you from my psyche.”
The woman chuckled. “You can’t get rid of me as easy as that,” she said. “I’m part of you.”
“I know, I know,” Maryann muttered tiredly. “It’s just that I’ve done so much work on myself and I’m ready to move on. I’ve done all those workshops to move beyond the negativity that’s been holding me back. I’ve worked on healing past trauma. I’ve broken down old conditioning and bought in light to clear all old thought patterns I no longer need. I’ve let go of so much and I’ve set my intentions for the future. I’ve made the Vision Boards and said the affirmations for health, wealth and happiness. What more can I do?”
“You can take me with you,” the ghost repeated. “I am part of you. You cannot dispel me simply by wishing it to be so. You cannot kill me off with words or pretty pictures. Sure, you have cleared much and are no longer bound to repeat the same mistakes but you need me. As you can see I am now no more than a shadow of your former self. The power I once had has waned but I have qualities you need.”
“I doubt that,” Maryann said firmly. “You represent my fears and negative thoughts. Why would I want to carry that into my future?”
“As long as you deny me I will haunt you,” the figure replied. “You cannot run from me. Until you accept me I will always shadow you.”
Maryann hesitated. She could see the logic to the woman’s claims. Experience had taught her that the aspects of herself she sought to deny always tripped her up in the end. “Okay, okay,” she muttered resignedly. “I accept what you can say but what can I do? I am truly ready to move on into a better future.”‘
“Take me with you. Embrace me. Accept me. If you consciously acknowledge I am part of you and have a role to play in your life I will become just that – a part of you. Whenever you have attempted to deny me and exorcise me from your being I have grown stronger and sabotaged your efforts to move on. If you accept me I will merely be a part of you, not the controlling force. If allowed to co-exist alongside positive aspirations fears can act as a kind of internal braking system. They can prevent you making foolhardy mistakes and hold you back from venturing into unsafe territory.”
As she spoke the woman moved closer to Maryann. For a moment Maryann turned from her and looked up ahead. The mist was already thinning and sunlight pierced the veil in rays of golden light. The path to her future was clearly illuminated. Maryann knew that although she might have moments when she faltered by accepting her fears and bringing them into the light of consciousness they could work for her. They could become her allies.
The woman was close enough to touch now. As the sun dispelled the last of the mist Maryann saw that she was now no more than the suggestion of presence. Opening her heart Maryann drew that presence into her and let it merge with her being. Strangely the act made her feel both stronger and lighter.
Turning back to the path she strode out and the way opened up in front of her.